A Very Reasonable Speech for Governors of Florida

Please, Think of the American Children

Americans, especially older citizens more likely to make campaign donations and vote, are terrified of letting their children learn about the rest of the world – and for good reason! Children uncritically believe every culture and lifestyle they learn about is superior to the traditional American dream. If they learn anything other than US exceptionalism, they could ruin society by doing something different than how our silent majority did things in the idealized past. We have to make America great again!

That’s why it’s our responsibility as politicians to tell educators how to do their job – but we can’t do it alone. By stoking fears of cultural genocide that is definitely happening outside our imagination in the real world, we can cultivate the votes required to keep America safely ethnocentric. Together, we are stronger. Together, we can make sure no child ever learns enough about the sins of the past to avoid repeating them.

What if our precious future voters learn that someone with their skin color did bad things to other people in the past? They might briefly feel guilty during a moment of personal growth! Absolutely unacceptable! Education isn’t about critical thought – it’s about keeping our future leaders comfortable.

That’s why it’s so important to take action now! Every minute we go without immediate efforts to provide safe, Christian nationalist alternatives to standard tests exposes another student to something other than the one right way. Every time a teacher is permitted to discuss minorities, another class learns that godless Islamists and predatory trans students might be walking among them. Without prompt attention, those children will grow up unprepared to shame Muslim and transgender classmates into fearful conformity.

While this effort won’t be without its critics, their “triggered” wailing is just further proof that we’re on the right path. They feign sincerity and pain because it’s more convincing, letting them manipulate your boundless empathy. They stand to benefit from sinking the country they live in right out from under themselves, so shutting them down means you’ve kept the greatest country on earth safe for another day. Negotiating with those “woke” malcontents in good faith only gives them more chances to parrot dangerous, ignorant views.

We can’t let that happen. We won’t let that happen! Join us, and keep political power in the hands of “We, the people”!

About the Author:

BlueStarMirage is a transitioning transgender woman who works in maintenance management. She enjoys most things nerdy, and will occasionally create art or write short articles intended to entertain and provoke thought. She currently lives in Florida, and regularly directs cute, high-pitched noises at her two ferrets. If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to contact me at star@mirage.blue.

Disclaimers & COPYRIGHT:
  • This article is a work of satire. No part of this article contains statements or policy made by any individual other than the author.
  • This article was written as a modern, digital form of a “letter to the editor” of a newspaper. As with such a letter, this article reflects only the opinions of the author, and does not necessarily represent the views of any editor, publisher, or content host.
  • This article is not endorsed by and does not represent the views of the United States Government, nor any US state or local governments (including all branches, departments, or organizations officially associated with those governments).
  • This article is not intended to and should not be taken as an attempt to solicit votes for or against a partisan political party, candidate, or cause.
  • A Very Reasonable Speech for Governors of Florida, © 2023 by the owners of mirage.blue, is licensed under CC BY 4.0

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